Finding Identity and Worth: The Journey to Wholeness
"We have a lot of people in this city who are in love with themselves. But very few people in this city who love themselves." — Erwin McManus
Insecurity is a heavy burden, and overcoming it is no small feat. As we continue the journey toward functional confidence, we must recognize that our struggles with identity and worth are deeply rooted. They often go beyond childhood experiences and into the core of our being, shaping the way we relate to ourselves, others, and even God.
The Deep Questions of Value
From an early age, we seek affirmation—whether we realize it or not. Psychological and spiritual insights suggest that two fundamental questions are hardwired into us:
• Am I enough?
• Am I desired?
Many believe these questions are primarily answered by a father’s presence, words, and actions. Whether our fathers were present, absent, supportive, or destructive, their impact leaves an imprint on our sense of worth. When these deep questions go unanswered, we often search for affirmation elsewhere—typically in relationships with the opposite sex.
Seeking Worth in the Wrong Places
Consider these common scenarios:
• A young girl, lacking the confidence imparted by a father’s love, seeks validation in relationships with immature boys, only to be left feeling even more unworthy.
• A boy, deprived of his father’s approval, spends his life in constant pursuit of validation—either through aggression, achievement, or a string of relationships that never truly satisfy.
• A man, desperate for affirmation, places his self-worth in the hands of a woman, hoping she can fill the void. But this dependence leads to insecurity, ultimately straining the relationship.
This unhealthy search for worth extends beyond romantic relationships. Many people seek affirmation from careers, social media likes, financial success, or the achievements of their children. But these external sources can never truly satisfy the deepest needs of our souls.
The Trap of Seeking Completion
Hollywood tells us that love stories are about finding someone to “complete” us. But two incomplete people do not make a whole relationship—they create a struggle for validation. A marriage based on need rather than love resembles two drowning people fighting over a single oxygen tank. The healthiest relationships, on the other hand, are those in which partners bring their own emotional and spiritual strength, complementing rather than completing each other.
The True Source of Identity
The truth is simple yet profound: No person or achievement can define your worth. If you are a man, do not look to woman to validate you. If you are a woman, do not look to man to affirm your value.
Your worth is not found in a romantic partner, a career, a bank account, or a social media following. It is found in the One who created you. God designed both men and women to be strong, whole, and confident—not to manipulate or be manipulated, but to walk in dignity and purpose.
Embracing the Journey to Wholeness
For some, the realization of identity and worth comes in an instant, like a revelation that changes everything. But for most, healing is a journey—a gradual process of unlearning lies, growing in faith, and surrounding oneself with a supportive community. Wholeness is not found in a single moment but in the process of learning, little by little, who we truly are.
So, take heart. Your worth is infinite, your identity is secure, and your journey is leading you to a place of strength and confidence. The truth will set you free—not always immediately, but certainly over time.
Blog Series is based on book by Russ Moore (2024), Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom.
Check out the full series!
This post is just one of the Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom Series. Be sure to check out my in-depth posts for the whole series:
- Snares of Insecurity and Zero-Sum Thinking
- Jealousy, Shame, and Emotional Baggage
- Personal Limitations and Pride
- Finding Identity and Worth: The Journey to Wholeness
- Thirsty (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Who is in the Mirror? Envisioning the Future Self (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- The Importance of Integrity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Pride and Humility (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Replacing Fear with Courage (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Stretching our Capacity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Developing Competence (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Our Presentation (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Handling Hardships (stay tuned; coming soon!)