Confidence: Snares of Insecurity and Zero-Sum Thinking.
When it comes to confidence, there’s a certain quiet strength that comes from being secure in who you are. It's not about boasting or being better than others—it's about being fully present, embracing your unique qualities, and recognizing that you have something to offer. True confidence comes from a sense of humility and bold assurance, operating from a place of expectancy rather than fear. Yet, despite how natural confidence can feel, there are powerful forces at work that threaten to undermine it. Two of these forces—insecurity and zero-sum thinking—are particularly insidious.
In this post, we’ll explore how these two forces work to destroy our sense of self-assurance and how we can rise above them.
The Killer of Confidence – Insecurity
At the core of insecurity is self-doubt. Fear. Shame. And when we let it control us, it can completely erode our confidence. Insecurity makes us question our worth, hide our true selves, and sometimes even avoid opportunities that would allow us to grow. But where does it come from?
For many, insecurity originates from childhood rejection, adolescent abuse, or traumatic adult experiences. These life events—whether they are direct or subtle—create an internal narrative that tells us we’re flawed, defective, or simply "not good enough." Over time, we start stacking evidence to support this belief: “I’ve failed before, so I’ll fail again.”
This cycle leads us to hide, give up, or retreat into comparison with others. And each time we engage in this cycle, we chip away at the confidence we need to step into our full potential.
Have you ever hidden yourself from an opportunity because of insecurity? Maybe you didn’t speak up in a meeting, or you passed up a chance to lead because you didn’t feel “ready” or “worthy.” What was the result? Did you feel relief in the moment, or did it bring more regret later? In hindsight, what would you have done differently?
Zero-Sum Thinking
The second threat to confidence is zero-sum thinking, which is based on the belief that someone has to win and someone has to lose. This mindset is pervasive in society and often seeps into how we view our own worth. It’s the mentality that says: "If they succeed, it means I’ve failed. If they get ahead, it means I’m falling behind."
The author wisely points out, “Confidence isn’t walking into a room and thinking you are better than everyone; it’s walking in and not having to compare yourself to anyone.” But that’s precisely where insecurity thrives— in comparison. Whether we’re comparing our careers, relationships, or appearances, we often end up feeling either "less than" (which leads to discouragement, bitterness, and resentment) or "better than" (which leads to arrogance and pride).
Zero-sum thinking limits our potential by putting us in direct competition with others, leading to an unhealthy sense of scarcity. But what if we shifted to a mindset of abundance?
Positive-Sum Thinking: Embracing Abundance
Unlike zero-sum thinking, positive-sum thinking is rooted in the idea that there is enough for everyone. It recognizes the abundance of God’s gifts and celebrates the unique contributions that each person brings to the table. With this mindset, there’s no need to compete—only to collaborate and elevate each other.
Instead of feeling threatened by someone else’s success, you can learn to celebrate it. Positive-sum thinking enables you to embrace the reality that another person’s gain doesn’t diminish your own worth or success. There is room for everyone to thrive.
Have you ever experienced a moment when comparison made you feel insecure? Think about a time when you felt threatened or deflated by someone else’s success. What was going on in your mind at that time? What was the root of that insecurity?
Have you witnessed zero-sum thinking in your life or culture? This mindset is prevalent in many aspects of society—from the workplace to social media, where we often measure our success by comparing it to others. How does this mindset affect your relationships with others? Does it foster connection or create division?
How can you celebrate others' successes without feeling threatened or diminished? It’s not always easy, but it is possible. Shifting from competition to collaboration is key. By focusing on your own unique path and strengths, you can begin to view others’ achievements as motivation rather than as a threat.
Taking Action: Shifting Your Mindset
So, how do we break free from the snares of insecurity and zero-sum thinking?
1. Recognize the root of your insecurity. Is it childhood experiences, fear of rejection, or societal pressures? Identifying the source can be the first step in healing.
2. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your struggles without letting them define you.
3. Celebrate others without comparison. When you find yourself comparing, shift your mindset. Recognize that someone else’s success does not take away from your own.
4. Adopt an abundance mindset. Focus on the abundance of opportunities, talents, and love available to you, rather than viewing life as a limited game of winners and losers.
Confidence is not about being perfect—it’s about being fully yourself. Let’s start embracing our uniqueness and stepping into the opportunities life offers without the constraints of insecurity or the comparisons of zero-sum thinking.
Blog Series is based on book by Russ Moore (2024), Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom.
Check out the full series!
This post is just one of the Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom Series. Be sure to check out my in-depth posts for the whole series:
- Snares of Insecurity and Zero-Sum Thinking
- Jealousy, Shame, and Emotional Baggage (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Personal Limitations and Pride (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Identity and Worth (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Who is in the Mirror? Envisioning the Future Self (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- The Importance of Integrity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Pride and Humility (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Replacing Fear with Courage (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Stretching our Capacity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Developing Competence (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Our Presentation (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Handling Hardships (stay tuned; coming soon!)