Confidence: Jealousy. Shame. and Emotional Baggage
Insecurity often has a bitter cousin, one that tends to creep up and take over in the most unexpected ways: jealousy. While insecurity whispers doubts about our own worth, jealousy pushes us further down the rabbit hole by making us fixate on the perceived superiority of others. As Gary Allan once sang, “You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.” This statement captures the essence of how jealousy can consume us, no matter how much we already have going for ourselves. It’s a corrosive force, one that spirals and eats away at us, leaving nothing but a hollow sense of dissatisfaction.
The Green-Eyed Monster: What Jealousy Really Means
Jealousy often masquerades as something harmless, a momentary feeling that’s easy to brush off. But, like the green-eyed monster, it grows and grows until it’s in full control, eating up our peace and contentment. You may have heard the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side,” and when we’re consumed by jealousy, it feels all too real. But in truth, the problem lies within us, not with the other side.
At its core, jealousy is a reflection of deeper issues. It often stems from greed, a desire to possess what others have rather than appreciating what we’ve been given. Sometimes, it also comes from a lack of self-belief, an inability to trust that we have the power to create our own future. Jealousy says, “God owes me”—it's rooted in dissatisfaction with what we have, wishing we could swap places with others who we believe have it all. The problem isn’t with them; the problem is within our own hearts.
In many cases, what we project onto others is actually a reflection of what lies within us. If we feel untrustworthy, we suspect others are untrustworthy. If we struggle to be generous, we may view others as stingy. Essentially, jealousy is a mirror—what we see in others is often a direct reflection of the discontent we hold inside ourselves.
So, how do we combat jealousy? The antidotes lie in two powerful practices: celebration and gratitude.
Celebrating Others: A Radical Act of Generosity
Celebrating others—especially those we feel jealous of—might seem counterintuitive, but it’s one of the most healing things we can do for our hearts. It’s a reminder that we are not in competition with those around us; their success does not diminish our own. In fact, the more we intentionally celebrate others, the more we break the grip that jealousy holds on our hearts.
Challenge yourself to send a message of celebration or encouragement to someone you may feel jealous of. Celebrate their achievements, their growth, and their success. It may feel awkward at first, but in doing so, we free ourselves from the chains of comparison.
Gratitude: The Ultimate Jealousy Killer
Another antidote to jealousy is gratitude. Jealousy and gratitude cannot coexist in the same space. When we focus on the blessings in our own lives, the things that are uniquely ours, we begin to realize that we already have more than enough. Gratitude shifts our perspective from scarcity to abundance, helping us embrace our own journey instead of comparing it to others.
The Temptation of "I’ll Be Confident When…"
As we move into Chapter 4, we face another daunting challenge: the temptation to believe that our confidence is tied to external success. “I’ll be confident when I achieve this” or “When I get to this point, then I’ll feel secure.” But the reality is, success alone can never fix the deeper insecurities we carry inside. We may have everything on the outside—wealth, status, recognition—but if we haven’t addressed our internal issues, no amount of success will ever make us feel truly confident.
True confidence isn’t something that’s given to us by achievements or accolades. It’s an internal condition, one that is nurtured by addressing our emotional baggage and confronting the wounds of the past. We cannot hide behind masks of success; we must face our traumas and work through the insecurities that hold us back from embracing our full potential.
The Power of Honesty: Facing Insecurities Head-On
The journey toward real confidence involves confronting our insecurities with honesty. It’s about being vulnerable, not just with ourselves, but with others as well. There’s power in sharing our struggles with a trusted peer, a counselor, or a pastor or mentor—those who can guide us through our emotional baggage and help us process our shame and insecurities.
As hard as it might be, vulnerability is not weakness. It’s a path to healing. By acknowledging our insecurities and processing them, we step into our future, leaving behind the baggage that has weighed us down. We can’t heal a wound by pretending it doesn’t exist. Embracing our vulnerabilities leads us to true strength.
Confidence, ultimately, is about accepting ourselves fully—our strengths, our flaws, and everything in between. It’s about healing from the inside out, addressing the insecurities that keep us from living fully in the present. The journey may be difficult, but as we shed the weight of jealousy, shame, and self-doubt, we create space for true confidence to grow.
The antidotes to insecurity and jealousy are available to us: celebration, gratitude, honesty, and vulnerability. When we embrace these practices, we can finally step out of the shadows of comparison and into the light of self-assurance, ready to embrace the future with both hands.
Blog Series is based on book by Russ Moore (2024), Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom.
Check out the full series!
This post is just one of the Confidence: Destroy Insecurity. Discover Freedom Series. Be sure to check out my in-depth posts for the whole series:
- Snares of Insecurity and Zero-Sum Thinking
- Jealousy, Shame, and Emotional Baggage
- Personal Limitations and Pride (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Identity and Worth (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Who is in the Mirror? Envisioning the Future Self (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- The Importance of Integrity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Pride and Humility (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Replacing Fear with Courage (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Stretching our Capacity (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Developing Competence (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Our Presentation (stay tuned; coming soon!)
- Handling Hardships (stay tuned; coming soon!)